Friendships and Finances: The Uncharted Territory We Should Explore More
Friendships often signify a space with another or a group of people that is emotionally, physically and mentally safe to let guards down and freely express ourselves. However, in saying that, I understand that categories of friends exist for some. So, for the purpose of this entry, when I say friends, I mean the true inner circle of people in your life (excluding family). It has been truly beautiful to witness some incredible friendships grow and evolve. I hope that you, as the reader, have had the opportunity to experience this in some way as well.
With the current state of inflation in our world today, I have been having conversations at different points about money and witnessed a few amazing humans in my life make some major financial strides and hit financial milestones!
From my experiences, discussing finances with family talkless of friends is often avoided as it can feel like uncharted territory or comes with unspoken expectations. When I was 19, I realized that money played a significant role in life, especially as a new immigrant in Canada who wanted to thrive and be successful at all ends. Not being afraid of putting in the work, I have had to make tough choices regarding how, when, on what and with whom I spend my money. Looking back at some past moments when finances had to be considered, I wish I could have made it known, accepted without shame, and (or) been true to myself that I could not afford to go on a particular trip, do a specific activity, go to dinner, or feel like I had to hide my financial goals.
Over time, I have also realized how often we discuss and how transparent we are about money and finances impacts closeness to others and the relationships we create. How frequently can you afford to dine out with friends? Can you manage a week-long trip to a particular place without being financially tight? Is it really necessary to purchase a new outfit for a particular occasion?
While I do not have a lot of friends who are at the stage of getting married or expecting children, I have heard and read stories of friends who do not respect the financial situations of their friends in that they put expectations on them that are more than what is defined as reasonable. When friends set and communicate certain financial boundaries, that reflects being financially responsible. However, not discounting that in some cases, it could also be due to a friend being stingy.
Having open and honest conversations about finances with friends can foster more robust connections, offer the space to gain valuable insights from each other, and provide whatever support needed. The aim is not to compare oneself with others but to create a space of trust that empowers informed financial decisions toward accomplishing some (and sometimes all) the financial goals we have set for ourselves.
As I progress through life with my friends, my desire is to become more transparent about money matters such as salaries, financial goals and income sources —
Not in a competitive way but to root for one another.
To ensure we are not getting lowballed with job offers (because women-identifying folks still get paid less today and the concept of equity is still a work in progress).
Not in a "looking down on" way but ensuring we are not financially pressuring our friends into activities, trips and buying things they cannot afford or do not prioritize at the moment.
Keep spilling,
Mairo
