Maintaining Friendships as an Adult is…
all the antonyms of the word "easy”.
Immigrating to Canada at age 18, I did not consider how difficult maintaining my childhood friendships would be or even making new ones.
Particularly, the reality of being in different time zones with my childhood friends came with a few realizations.
I realized…I was living in a completely different world.
I realized…my today was yesterday in their world.
I realized…that when something happens to me or if I am experiencing something worth sharing in my now moment, I can’t just pick up the phone and call because it might be the middle of a workday or past midnight for them.
Competing demands are inevitable. I try to juggle them all but fail.
Passion, Personal projects, Work, Self-care, Romantic relationships, Family, Friends, …School, Volunteering?
As an adult, your circle becomes “wider and wider”. So many connections, yet disconnected.
Think work friends, random acquaintances that cross your path, inner circle friends, friends of friends. If you have a partner – the list goes on.
I strive to create meaningful friendships and connections that reflect support, growth, unconditional love, and care BUT…
That is time - 8 for work, 8 for sleep (non-negotiable), 8 left to fit in the list of competing demands above (excluding work).
And energy!
Why can’t friendships be as it was? I mean how it used to be when we were little children?
Easy. Effortless. No considerable expectations.
In moments like this (i.e., moments of reflection), I find Rupi Kaur’s words resonating.
i miss the days my friends
knew every mundane detail about my life
and i knew every ordinary detail about theirs
that us
the walks around the block
The long conversations when we were
too lost in the moment to care what time it was
when we won and celebrated
when we failed and celebrated harder
when we were just kids
now we have our very important jobs
that fill up our very busy schedules
we compare calendars just to plan coffee dates
that one of us eventually cancels
cause adulthood is being too exhausted
to leave our apartments most days
i missing knowing i once belonged
to a group of people bigger than myself
that belonging made life easier to live
(Excerpt from Home Body by Rupi Kaur, Chapter 3, p. 109)
Do you find maintaining friendships challenging, difficult, easy?
As always, feel free to share your thoughts with me at hello@spillage.ca (or wherever you find me!). I look forward to hearing from you.
Keep spilling,
Mairo
(Blog entry photo credit: Fatima Abdullahi, a sister)
