Solo Dating 101
This blog entry is me honouring a reader’s request which I love receiving (hint hint to send some if you feel inclined to)!
I will start by acknowledging, that dressing up and going someplace, especially a restaurant to ask for a table for a party of 1 is very uncomfortable and nerve-wracking. Not because there is something wrong with doing that but…Because society expects us to always move in a group or a couple.
However, when it comes to solo dating (regardless of whether you are in a relationship, married, in a situationship or living your best single life), I promise - the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Drawing from my experience with solo dating so far, I have curated a list of do’s and don’ts for folks who may need some tips to elevate their solo dating game or as an encouragement to start going on some.
Let’s dive in starting with the don’ts!
The Don’ts
Don't let the fear of judgment prevent you from enjoying solo activities. People may have different opinions, but what matters most is your comfort and self-defined happiness.
With that said…
Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Solo dating is a personal thing and should be done the way you want to do it. If going to solo dinners is a stretch, start with going for coffee/tea or dessert.
Planning is great (I have a recurring calendar invite to help remind me that solo time is needed) but don’t underestimate spontaneity! Having a loose plan for your solo dates is also great as it ensures that you make the most of your time and avoid unnecessary stress especially if you are just starting to get comfortable with doing them.
I get the temptation of being on the phone. In many ways, it truly helps with feeling awkward but try to not spend the entire time glued to it especially if the goal is to be present and engaged in the moment.
The Do’s
Dress for the occasion. If you put in effort to meet up with others, it's a no-brainer to do it on a solo date (in my opinion and just saying 👀!).
Step out of your comfort zone and explore activities you've always wanted to try. Attend/register for workshops, join classes or pick up a new hobby. Solo dates in my opinion are opportunities to discover yourself, likes, and interests.
Plan to spend responsibly. Not every solo date has to be extravagant or cost a fortune. Switch it up with simple things like reading a book in a park (counts too).
Show up at non-peak times to wherever you are going if you know they tend to get busy. From experience, I found going to restaurants for example, right before the dinner rush or just a tad bit after the rush is the best time to find a table. If you know the restaurant has bar seating, then show up whenever. Also seating at the bar is always fun (unless the seats are uncomfortable) because you see other solo eaters or even get in a casual chit-chat with the bartender as a buffer.
Take with you some wireless headphones in case you hate the music being played or earplugs to help with overstimulation.
Do practice mindfulness during solo dates. Whether it is enjoying a meal, visiting a museum, or taking a nature walk, be fully present in the moment. Something I have found extremely helpful is practicing the “fives” to engage my senses (i.e., asking myself what I feel, smell, touch, see and taste). I found this to help enhance my overall experience and self-awareness in the spaces I am in.
With all that said…
Plan that solo date!
Also, life is just too short to be waiting for someone else to do some things you want to do.
Happy dating!
