What is Self-Love Anyway?
Are you feeling all the love in the air? (*a little hint of sarcasm intended)
Sarcasm aside, I do love LOVE!
As a lover of love, I was a believer (and still am but with a different perspective) that love first and foremost starts with the self before it can be extended to another or others. But easier said than done as childhood trauma, being in and dealing with difficult relationships, and painful experiences that often alter the sense of self is the reality some of us are living and working through.
Even worse, self-love in this day and age is often equated to self-care, particularly self-care practices that allude to if you aren’t spending coins on bath bombs, massages, and spa days, then do you even love yourself?
Do not get me wrong, spa days are great but…
Do not equate to self-love entirely.
In my self-love journey, I have realized how self-love is a skill that one can develop with much-devoted work (work done not in one day but over time) — similar to confidence and trust. I would be dishonest if I said (from experience) learning what it means to love yourself in our world that constantly is in your face with the message that you aren’t enough in some shape or form is easy.
So, what is self-love anyway?
The below comes to mind for me:
Self- appreciation — Affinity — Positive regard —Value of self — Understanding of oneself.
What comes to mind for you?
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In reflecting on cultivating, practicing, and building on self-love, a few thoughts came up and thought to share how:
Important it is to put effort into knowing yourself.
No one can tell you how to know yourself, but it will be worth it when you do. A disclaimer: This may also bring about a feeling of uncomfortableness because sitting with ourselves is hard, especially when we have been avoiding certain parts of ourselves.
Treating yourself with the same kindness and empathy you would offer to another is the starting point of self-compassion.
Positive self-talk and affirmations go a long way! Taking cues from Issa Rae in this Insecure trailer clip (highly recommended show to watch if you haven’t!).
Gratitude for the body is a must! You and your body are in this thing called life together for the long haul after all.
Your uniqueness is something that cannot be taken away, especially in our world where conformity is emphasized. The quote, “Be you, because everyone else is taken” (- credit to who said that) rings true!
BOUNDARIES.
I cannot preach enough about this! Enforcing and maintaining boundaries is one of my favourite ways to express love to myself. I view a dishonest “yes” to something I don’t want to do as a betrayal to self.
We often think that saying yes to everything, always being willing to help, or do something that does not align with our core is virtuous. However, I take on the perspective that self-love can also be simply knowing what to give your energy to — and away from what doesn’t serve you. I will leave it at that.
If you have read this far, I encourage you to find what self-love looks like for you. A starting point could be introspection, therapy (you know I will always advocate for this but also know it is not for everyone) or conversations with the amazing people in your life. If you know what that looks like, I would love to know one way you express love to yourself.
I always enjoy reading and hearing your thoughts/comments/additions to my blog entries so do not hesitate to write back if you feel inclined to.
Spreading all the love,
Mairo
